It’s been a hard weekend.

We had a fight. Not a yelling kind of fight, but a falling out. He told me he doesn’t know if he trusts me. “I don’t not trust you, either,” he said. “A lot of people say I love you and mean something different.” “We’ve only known each other for six months.” It is the worst feeling in the world, not only hearing him minimizing everything we’ve had, but also knowing that he still doesn’t understand or believe how deeply I love him, what that means to me, or how completely I am his, six months be damned. It hurts me to know that I played a big part in making him feel unhappy, unsafe, unloved, alone, insecure, jealous, afraid, or angry.

Things are still tense. He’s still so far away. Where my way of handling things is to do everything in my power to let love and communication heal wounds and make everything better as soon as possible, he tends to take a while to process and brood. And I feel like nothing I do will help that.

My heart hurts.

And I have so much to do.

And near-constant headaches lately.

“Right or wrong, tension makes us stronger by making us weak when we needed to be.”

Edit: Thanks for your replies, y’all. Your replies + messages are super encouraging. Here’s to learning to love!

3 Notes/ Hide

  1. kyerabianca said: Just let him be and let him deal with his own thoughts. Let him know you’ll be there when he’s ready to talk. I’m a “brooder” and it helps when my man tells he’s there when I’m ready to talk. You’re learning about each other. It’s part of it. :)
  2. davidwduffy said: Sometimes you just have to let one brood - you’re no the enemy in this stage - he is his own. His mind will be telling him all kinds of weird crap, and you just have to hope he’s strong enough to come out the other side intact. You’ll be fine! :)
  3. wildchildenchanted posted this