the wanderings of a wild child

Jun 03

Cards Against Humaniteeeee! (Taken with instagram)

Jun 01

“Unless it’s mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it’s a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life; Love shouldn’t be one of them.” — Dream for an Insomniac (via quote-book , via hermoza-from-heaven)

(via bella-luce)

Things My Boyfriend Says:

• “you’re interesting! like a rubik’s cube. or a car crash. or a van gogh. or a fleshlight.”
• “I think a lot about god’s genitalia.”

Lahv.

May 30

Anonymous asked: Nobody our age has a glamorous lifestyle. Not unless they're born into wealth or are unbelievably lucky. You're doing what you have to in order to survive a difficult situation. Keep your chin up! Because bigger and better things are sure to come soon enough and you'll be able to look at this and smile and be proud of how far you've come. :)

Thank you! Are you ever gonna reveal your identity? For serious, these messages are always so encouraging. Anyway, thank you. I am only saying it’s “not glamorous” because I’ve made my money the past 3 years by working 2 or 3 days a year shooting weddings, which is pretty damn glamorous for somebody my age. And, relative to my boyfriend and friends who are in grad school engaging in productive intellectual pursuits, it just seems a little aimless. BUT I’m not worried, and am looking forward to having something to do!

Welp, this is real life.

$200 of recent utilities+cable to pay to my roommate, $312.50 to pay in rent on Friday, a possible $70 to pay for a rented textbook (which I believe I’ve already been charged for, so I’m disputing it), and my friend at Jimmy John’s just informed me that they hired 8 new in-store people like a week and a half ago, so the only positions open are for drivers.

So I may be getting a job as a Jimmy John’s delivery girl, because I need money. It ain’t glamorous, but at least I’m taking care of things. Right?

May 29

Always a good time when a karaoke DJ who’s known you for a year confuses you with your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend

Hilarious.

I don't often do these, but some of these questions are rather fascinating. Also I'm sick of working.

• 1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel? :
• It's strange, but I have a habit of not making eye contact with most people. Usually it's easier when people are talking to me, so the former would prolly be more difficult.
• 2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way?:
• I don't often get angry, I get hurt. I think the last time I was even remotely angry was when I felt like my boyfriend still valued his friendship with his ex over my feeling safe and comfortable in the relationship.
• 3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them?:
• Because I'm a girl in love and my family members frequently don't answer the phone, prolly Canadude. I dunno if I'd get out anything more than gushy declarations of love through all the sobbing. I don't wanna die!
• 4. You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid?:
• I'd tell those closest to me, only because I'd definitely need the support of those I love. I'd hopefully spend my remaining days doing happy, wonderful, nice things like going camping with all my friends, performing the few poems I've written, singing all the karaoke songs I've wanted to do but know I can't hit, and doing lots of loving and snuggling and Buffy/Doctor Who-watching with le boyfrand.
• 5. You can have one of the following two things: Love or Trust. Which do you choose? Why? :
• Heh. This is a REALLY good question. Does this mean I'd be loved but not trusted, or I would love but not be able to trust? Two very different things. Anyway, I'd argue that love can't exist without trust, or can only exist proportionately to trust. Trust me (heh), without trust, everything good crumbles.
• 6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not?:
• Of course I take the time to save the dog's life! I'd hope my boss would understand such an extenuating circumstance, and I'd feel terrible if I knew I let a dog die.
• 7. Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most?:
• Again with the trust/love stuff! I'd rather be hurt by the one I trust the most. Generally, the relationships with the people we trust the most (our long, long-time friends and family) are the ones that can take hits. On the other hand, if the ones we love hurt us, and the love in the relationship can help mend the hurt, the relationship will be stronger for it, and trust will be built. THESE KINDS OF QUESTIONS ARE HARD FOR PEEPS WHO THINK TOO MUCH!
• 8. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you (or did you) do/say?:
• The truth. I care for them deeply, but it's just not right. Something is missing. And I have a smokin' hot boyfriend with whom nothing is missing so I'm not really interested.
• 9. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or Why not?:
• Honestly, the last time someone I knew personally died, I was like 10. The last person I "knew" who died was my boyfriend's ex's mother, and it hit the ex, the boyfriend, and everyone involved pretty hard. If it would've made her and her family feel better or more at peace, of course I'd give a year. But to my knowledge, her family surrounded her and sang to her and peace was abounding, so I think it happened as beautifully as possible.
• 10. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?:
• I think so! I have had some rough spots in the past in which I've not been very good company, but for the most part, I'm down-to-earth, I like adventures, I laugh at myself (hard!), I am ridiculously silly, I fetch friends with flat tires at 3am and listen to relationship problems, and I don't repeat things told to me in confidence unless it's necessary.
• 11. Does love = sex?:
• Hopefully love = sex, but sex CERTAINLY≠ love.
• 12.Your boss tells your coworker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your coworker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company? Why or Why not? :
• Especially in today's economy, if I had been at the company much longer, then clearly I was doing good work. It's unfortunate that the new person has to go out and find a new job, but it doesn't mean that they're headed straight for the homeless shelter. If they just got the job recently, they will probably be able to find another one. I would probably offer to help with dinners and stuff until the family is back on their feet, though.
• 13. When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person?:
• Boyfrand. Honesty stuff. I think I'm getting back to being able to communicate what I need in a sane, not-meltdowny way. Thank god.
• 14. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a member of the opposite sex, you love them or that you do not love them back?:
• I have no real experience in the latter, but sometimes "I love you" can be pretty scary. But goodscary!
• 15. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose?:
• People. Social contact. Honestly, this summer is the first time I've ever lived alone, and it's hard not to feel sad and lonely when you don't see or talk to anybody all day long. I AM AN EXTROVERT AND I NEED PEOPLE DAMMIT.
• 16. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them. Who were they to you?:
• My grandpa, on the phone tonight!
• 17. If there was one moment in the last month what would you change and why?:
• Oooh, interesting question. Probably when I said goodbye to Canadude. Wish I hadn't been all weepy-boohooey.
• 18. Imagine it is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you?:
• Batman.
• 19. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not?:
• Yes. I might put a plastic bag over their mouth and poke a hole in it soas to try to avoid the herp, though.
• 21. You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your rationale for making the decision?:
• Well, my grandma's hella heavy, so I dunno how I'm holding onto her in the first place, but assuming that I am, definitely her. Let the tiny shriveled alienspawn plummet to its doom.
• 22. Are you old fashioned?:
• In some ways, certainly. I'm still fond of heartfelt love letters and expressions of ardor, a man defending me even when I know I can defend myself, and the notion that two people can build a relationship of love and trust and happiness and bestfriendship that lasts until they are old and grey. Of course, I also like stiletto heels, being forward, transparency, and premarital sex. Dunno what that makes me!
• 23. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it?:
• It actually happens fairly often, I suppose. The last couple times involved giving people rides places.
• 24.Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why?:
• Theoretically, true love with a guaranteed broken heart. Every time. The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing. But if I knew ahead of time that the relationship was doomed and unhealthy and not going to result in happiness for the people involved, I'd prolly try to avoid it. Because true love is the kind that works.
• 25. If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be?:
• I wish there were more venues for slam poetry in South Bend.
• I wish my karaoke frenz were around.
• I wish I had a job.
• I wish I had a Write Bloody Publishing Deal.
• I wish I could fall asleep next to the one I love tonight.
• I wish I had the means to visit Nepal, Ireland, Italy, England, South Africa, and a little town a few hours outside of Montreal, Canada.
• I wish for free Jimmy John's and Papa John's for life.
• I wish I had pet bats.
• I wish I was Batman.
• Okay, that's enough.

Taken with Instagram at Mcalister’s Deli

(Source: halfstoned, via bella-luce)

delacroix: Advice for my former teenage self: (aka things I'm still learning) -

• It’s a waste of your time to worry about what people think of you. There will always be haters, and it’s rarely about you and even more rarely yourproblem. Let them hate. 
• We create our own realities; you can do absolutely anything you want to. Define success for yourself, make your own rules, take chances, create and break habits, dream big, and make mistakes. Those mistakes are the best teachers you’ll ever have; feel no shame.
• You’re responsible for every part of your life: your happiness, time, health, money, feelings, housekeeping, orgasms, screw-ups, etc. No one will ever prioritize you above themselves; be your own #1. Never rent that space to anyone else. Set standards, hold yourself accountable, celebrate glory, admit error and wrong-doing, apologize when necessary, clean up your own messes. This is the only door to growth, fulfillment, and success. 
• Never compromise or choose agreeability over another option. Placating people is a waste of time; the people worth knowing will still be there whether you agree or not.
• When someone tells you they can’t live without you, prove them wrong. Never share your heart or your time with anyone who needs it to thrive; they’ll consume it until there’s none left for you or anything else.
• There’s always a reason to be grateful. Never take anything or anyone for granted. Celebrate the good daily; what you focus on is what you’ll see more of.
• Jealousy is an incredibly useless emotion. Don’t compare yourself to other people. Be happy for them; use them as inspiration. 
• Your health is your life. Eat right and exercise. Do it every day, even when you don’t feel like it. You’ll never regret doing it, but you will regret not doing it. (And it’s okay to have dessert when you earn it.)

“

I know you think love has been toying with you,
waiting for you to swallow the kitchen knives.

It hasn’t.

It wishes only that you would carve a dock
into your sternum. The tide will deliver me.

Husband, I’m coming

May 28

Post-frisbee bliss. (Taken with instagram)

Summer is sweet. (Taken with instagram)